Funny story, not happy time

I thought I would come out with one of my big requests at parties, Christmas gatherings, and drunken brawls. Yes, it is the story of the Volkswagon and the crappy motor.


By the by, much lerve to Schisler for the mention in her blog.


Anyway, my senior year in high school my dad decided to buy me a car. Yes!!! He actually surprised me after baseball practice. I didn't even know he was going to buy me a car. Looking back on it, this was a very sweet thing to do. I hope as a man I'm allowed to use the word sweet when referring to a man. Please get back to me on that one. My time in baseball is actually a story in itself. More on that later.


Back to the story. My dad is a large man as well. He is about 6'6", and comes pulling up in a 1970 red, Volkswagon Rabbit. A Diesel. Diesel!!! The color was not just red, but a very oxidized red. I think we used up a whole bucket of wax on the thing. Yes, we did wax it.


I have to admit, I was slightly underwhelmed. I was a senior in high school, and finally starting to break out of my dorky, geeky persona. I think I'm out, and then they pull me back in. My best friends at school gave me grief to no end on this car. My knees just about stuck out of the window it was so small. To get inside was a feat of physics that has not been explained or solved to this day. You had to plug it in during the winter to keep the diesel from turning into molasses. In order to get up a hill near my house, you had to make sure you didn't hit the red light at the bottom before the ascent or you were toast. I would have to do the old rock back and forth to give the car some momentum to get up the hill. Just starting it was a violation of the environment. Black smoke would come pouring out of the tailpipe everytime. That was always fun. Everybody would watch James start his midget mobile and wait for the impending explosion.


But one day....


I was driving to a rehearsal, and the clutch or something gave out. The motor gave off a sound that can only be described as, "the sound". I will try to include a video someday of my impression of the sound that this thing made. Just think of it as a very high revving sound. Anyway, everytime I would put the clutch in the engine would rev as high as it could go, and white smoke would come pouring out the back. I literally couldn't see anything behind me. Well, we got it fixed and I got to use it for a few more weeks. It happened again on the freeway, and it occurred on a spot where I couldn't pull over to the right because the entrance was right there, so I had to pull into the middle of the highway. This is I-25 in Colorado by the way, and Colorado drivers are not the best in the world. Running red lights is almost a rite of passage in the state. Anyway, I had to wait for about an hour before I could run across and call my dad at the gas station. No, I didn't have a cell phone because they had just come out in the mass market.

We ended up selling the car. I'll break down the money on this one. My dad bought it for 100 bucks, put another engine in it for 900, put over $3000 worth of repairs on it, and sold it back to the same guy we bought it from for 75 bucks. We took out the stereo we put in it so we only got 75 for it.

The story isn't as good without the sound effects, but I hope you get the gist.